Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Feeling lost.

 The world seems so colorful but yet when you are to face it alone, it will be terrifying.

There will be moments where you feel lost in search of your own identity and a place where you belong.
I believe that everyone must have experienced it at least once in their whole life whilst the unfortunate ones might be living their whole life without any sense of direction.
 I'm sure that everyone yearns for a place to belong; a sense of belonging in this harsh, realistic world.
Of course, most people tend to chase their fantasies and dreams to only realize that their efforts are futile.

At least I felt so.
Although I might just be a youngster to most people and I lead an ordinary life for my past 20 years, I have always believe that things wouldn't work out fine or well for me.
I have always known that there will be a storm waiting for me whenever I feel that the sky is clear.
Bad things tend to repeat themselves regardless how hard I strive to change situations.
I guess that I'm just like an accident zone awaiting death.
To be more exact, I feel like my life is like a deja vu.

Effort is so seemingly positive, so seemingly encouraging but yet it's so harsh when everything you work for ends up in naught.
Worst still, it ends up in negativity.
People always tell me that there are chances and possibilities out there that you can grasp.
Deep inside I'll let out a laugh knowing that they are too naive.
It's good to be positive about things, it gives you hope.
But when you overdo it, you're just a pathetic fool waiting miracles to happen.

What should I do?
When you reach a junction of your life, you will and you are forced to answer this question.
With or without anyone's help.
There's no absolute answer to this question and as you grow older, this question will be popping out so often that you'll grow accustomed to it.

Yes, I'm lost.
Helpless that I'm back to the starting point again.
I'm refusing to answer all those questions thrown to me.
I'm drowning in this vagueness.

I just wish that people will stop asking me why.
I don't control how things happen, I can just follow and shape my life accordingly.
I know I'm flooding my mind with all this negativity and crap yet, I'm fine with it.

Thus, this is the answer that I keep telling people who ask :
HIATUS.
I'm putting my life on a hiatus.
But can I really let myself on a hiatus without being drag back to reality?
NO.
I feel unseemingly pressured regardlessly.

I wish that I can just be my carefree self for just one day without having to worry about my surrounding.
This situation won't even happen in my dreams.
How pathetic.

P/s : I'm actually sick right now so don't hold me accountable for posting so much negative thoughts.
Let me be.

2 comments:

  1. just follow your heart in what you believe in and take care

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Nath~~^^ just hope that things just happen the way it should..

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